She called me sobbing. I could hardly hear her through heartbreaking cries. “What?” I said.
“He’s cheating on me,” my friend said when she could get a few words out between cries.
I told her that he didn’t deserve her. I told her he was a jerk and she should move on. I told her I loved her and would always be there for her.
A few weeks later she went back to him.
I wanted to scream at her, “What are you thinking!” But she didn’t heed my words of warning when I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea.
Eventually, she got out of the relationship, but she still thinks about that boy and all she shared with him—her everything—when he didn’t deserve it.
This happens too often. Beautiful and amazing girls get in relationships with bad boys because they want to be loved. I understand the feeling. I felt it before I met my husband. It hurts and it feels like there is an empty space inside your heart that needs to be filled with the hugs, kisses, and accolades of a handsome guy. I’m not here to tell you that you can’t find that—no—I’m here to tell you that you are worth waiting for the right guy. The guy who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
Part of waiting and subsequently dating the right man is to know your personal self-worth.
In Luke 12:6-7 Jesus says,
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (NIV)
Jesus says very plainly that he loves you—yes, YOU! He thinks you are worth so much that he would pay for you. Not with dollars but with his life. Okay, I’ll try not to get too preachy here, you get the idea. God loves you and thinks you are worth a lot.
So what does that have to do with you wanting a boyfriend?
If you don’t respect yourself you will fall in love with the first boy that shows you affection. You can’t do that. If you want to attract the ‘right’ guy you need to value yourself.
Value yourself enough to walk away if all he wants is sex. Value yourself enough to keep your standards high. Value yourself enough to not allow him to put you down or verbally abuse you. Value yourself enough to say “no” when you feel uncomfortable about something. Value yourself enough to leave if he is seeing more than one girl.
“But I love him,” you might say. “You don’t really know him.”
Okay, that may be true. Maybe he is a good guy most of the time. But that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you need to respect yourself enough to demand respect of the men you wish to date and maybe someday marry. If you allow yourself to be disrespected you probably don’t know how much you are worth.
You are worth a man who treats you with respect. You are worth a man who will wait for your body. You are worth a man who will say kind words. You are worth a man who wants to invest his whole life with you. You are worth a man who will never see another girl while he’s seeing you. You are worth a man who thinks you’re beautiful on your worst days. You are worth a man who takes the time to know your heart.
God wants so much more for you than a mediocre relationship. If he wants the best for you then you should want the best for yourself.
Don’t settle for a guy who doesn’t treasure all of you and treat you like the priceless diamond you are. Respect yourself and who you are.
“But I don’t know any guys like that,” you say.
To be honest, they are hard to find. I get that. I see a real need for guys to turn into men and treat women right. But this isn’t about them. This is about you and me and our self-worth.
If you are looking for a great guy put yourself in environments where those guys could be. Maybe a church’s singles group, a college writing class, an art camp, a Christian college, a small group ministry, or church.
Don’t minimize your worth to feel loved. Hold out for the right guy and in the meantime work on making yourself a better person for him.
Never forget; you are amazing and precious and beautiful.
You are worth being respected.